Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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