Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
