Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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