I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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