I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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