im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
