WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
