i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
