Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
