Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
