I'm going to jail i love you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
