Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
