Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
