had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
