Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
