I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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