Umm I'm too high to move.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
