Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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