My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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