On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
