Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
