I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just cropdusted the office
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
