Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want to fling myself into the sun
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
