You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
