If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
