I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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