I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
