I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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