did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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