You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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