1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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