you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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