whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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