I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
