I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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