I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
