White coat. Heels.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
