She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
