So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
