So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
