i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
