OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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