Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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