I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
