I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
