so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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