he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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