just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
