I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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