God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
