i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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